Emotions running wild

Since I’ve been at Casa Shalom, I’ve teared up and/or bawled more than I’d like to admit in a 4 month span. Whether it’s watching a girl meet her parents for the first time, accepting a sibling group who have been severely abused, or watching the community come together as a boy fights an infection in his leg, I am unable to control my emotions as easily as I could before. I think my 11 months in Dallas was just lighting the flame for me. Not only was I transferring away from the only home city I knew (Jupiter, FL), I was often struggling with my emotions alone, at least for the first half of my stay. That is until a few women figured out which buttons to push to get the tears flowing. They wanted me to show my emotions more and not be afraid of a few drops of water coming from my eyes. I guess I just don’t want the surrounding company (friends, family, strangers) to be nervous or worried for me. Nor do I want them knowing more than they want to know about me. My tears actually got me into a little trouble recently….

Remember the boy I mentioned earlier with the infection in his leg? Guess who has one now after playing with him and loving on him over that week? My thigh is bright red, almost double the size, and causing me lots of pain when I walk, use, or readjust my leg. I have to hobble down the hill to get food, finish the work that needs to be done, or tell my family that I’m still alive and limping.

Sunday night on my way to dinner, one of the house moms was sitting on her porch and noticed me “walk” past her. She asked me if my leg hurts, then told me to join her seated down on the step. I gathered all my strength and slowly sat myself down with minimal pain. She got to talking to me, asking me everything ranging from my family, my next visit to the US, the pain, my leg, and my skin condition. She rubbed my leg and assured me God is with me, that He will heal me, and He created me like this for a purpose.

As we were talking, a few of the other house moms (that I think have come to like me) saw me getting emotional on their way to dinner. I hugged the nearest column to regain my footing with little pain and joined them for dinner. When I walked in the door, two kids were fighting over who could grab me a chair, and the house mom asked me to sit at the table because she wanted to serve me my dinner (I usually wait a minute or two at the kitchen window for my plate and hot beverage).

She hand me my plate and follows it with a 2 minute hug, which again brings me tears. “God is with you. He will never leave you. He loves you and so do I.” By the end of that, we’re both a mess. She sits down, and the next one is headed my direction. Oh no! “I don’t know what you’re going through. I have pain in my chest and I know God is bigger than that. He will be with me and with you. Do not be afraid.”

Ok…. After a months worth of tears were wiped up, I tried my hardest to enjoy dinner with the two house parents and the 12 kids at the table. Of course, they were all looking at me and the house moms with tears in our eyes, worried for me. I told them that I am in pain and that I will be ok. The caretakers didn’t want me saying to much to the kids, as it might’ve been personal. That didn’t stop their worries. The office gossip the following morning was that all of the kids in a certain house were worried for me after getting emotional with their house moms. Showing my emotions will get me (and the caretakers) in trouble every so often, so I gotta do my best to hold it back!

After a tear-filled dinner, I got to video chat with some of my people in Dallas. Did I forget to mention that my thigh is twice the size?! My bad! I preferred our 30 minute conversation to be filled with laughter, an adorable puppy, family photo albums, and worship music. I didn’t need another tear to fall that evening. I don’t want them to watch me cry in pain, being worried for me.

Update on my leg: I’ve visited the on-site nurse. She prescribed me antibiotics and told me to keep an eye on the color/size over the next few days. I’ve taken a few days worth of medicine, and am already seeing a difference. My thigh should be functioning as normal, pain-free before the start of next week. Back to hibernating in my room until everything clears up! Prayers accepted and very much appreciated!

“Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.
Lay down your burdens, lay down your shame.
All who are broken, lift up your face.
Oh wanderer come home. You’re not too far.
Lay down your hurt, lay down your heart, come as you are!”