No Te Preocupes

Worry. It’s something I do often that wish I didn’t. Something easier said than done. A fear that has controlled most of my life no matter the situation, whether it be relationships, tomorrow’s outfit, or my next move (either it be my next action or a new home country). I’ve often been consumed with it that it’s become almost a natural instinct.

While my church was here a week back, we got some extra time at the end of our Antigua shopping day to go to an ice cream shop that some of the team was excited to return to from the previous summer.  There, a few got a late lunch and soda. But I got a gringa- vanilla and coffee ice cream topped with Nutella and chocolate chip cookies! It hit the spot (after only having half melted fast food cones for the past 2 and a half months)! That bowl of ice cream made a rainy, traffic-filled day worth it.

Before we headed back to the bus, I headed to the bathroom quickly. It was one of those visits that I wished I had brought my phone, like most have experienced at least once! But not for reasons you may think…. Strangely enough, above the sink (in a public restroom) there was no mirror. Just a few hand painted words on the wall: “No te preocupes. Vez bonita.” (Don’t worry, you look beautiful). It might’ve been cheaper for the restaurant to buy a paint brush and some paint rather than a mirror and a nail, but I wished I could’ve gotten a photo of that as a personal reminder not to worry.

Over this past week since reading that, I’ve been letting go of my worries little by little. Most of the girls have a head full of lice. As a precaution, I asked if anyone had lice shampoo that I could use to prevent myself from getting an itchy head. I received an expired bottle of shampoo with maybe enough for a single use. I quickly headed to my room to apply it and wash my hair. The water was off. There I was in my shower, using cold water out of a 5 gallon bucket while the lights were flickering on and off (power outage). I wasn’t worried about anything.

I have a sunlit window that offers all the light I might need. I have 5 gallons of water I can use and refill when the water comes on later that evening or the following day. That does not include the water saved in the sink just outside the bathroom door. I was provided with shampoo and a comb to prevent lice that I might or might not get. I have my own bathroom to take care of myself on my own schedule. I have everything and more than I could need. (My team also left me with more than enough supplies to cover me if I pickup lice from the kids!)

I’ve been quietly questioning if my converse shoes would last another 4 months until I made it back to the US. Certainly enough, the Lord provided an extra free pair of sneakers to my church team. Bright red high top converses. One extra pair…and they were in my size! I wasn’t going to wear them while the team was here, mostly because it rained daily and I didn’t want to ruin my new shoes. My worries went out the door, and I wore ’em the next day! They will get dirty sometime, whether it’s the day I get them or a month later! I shouldn’t be worried about a little mud on my new kicks, they’re only dirty from being used!

I was asked a few times about what kinds of snacks I wanted the team to bring for me. The only thing I was really wanting, that I knew couldn’t happen, was my favorite kind of ice cream. Not really a worry, but more of a craving I didn’t think could be fulfilled. Remember where I saw the sign “Don’t worry”? In an ice cream shop! The church brought me a few snacks and also treated me with a bowl of ice cream- the thing I had been craving the most. No, it wasn’t my favorite flavor, but I was provided with more than I could’ve needed (or wanted) in the form of nutella and cookies!

I was headed uphill to my house with a handful of gifts in the pouring rain. While fighting to keep everything in my hands and holding the umbrella overhead, one of the house moms came by my side and walked with me up the hill assisting me with bringing all my stuff to my room. As we were walking in the rain, she asked me how my leg was feeling, remembering that I popped my knee out of place in the orphanage almost two years ago! I felt it quickly strengthen, knowing I am part of a community who truly cares for me.

A few days back, I was playing with one of the boys, about 11 years old. He shifted all of his weight on me. I lost my footing, he lost his footing, and we both went crashing down. I skinned my leg pretty bad, but was cautious enough to grab onto him as we were going down, so I’d be the one to hit the ground for us both. Although it was painful, I wasn’t worried and knew that it would heal fine over a day or two. But, I was worried I wouldn’t get much sleep from being uncomfortable with a bruised leg; I got over 9 hours of sleep that night! The next day, one of the staff members who saw me fall noticed my red skin, sent one of the kids into the house to grab her lotion, and rubbed it on my scar herself. Again, I was provided with more than I could’ve needed, from those less fortunate than me.

Stories like these few could be shared all day just over events throughout the past week. Moving to Guatemala was a God-calling. I was happy to accept the calling, but it also filled me with worry. Worry about finances/support. Health. Continuing relationships with limited contact. Building relationships while in Guatemala. The transition process. My faith. Whatever the enemy threw my direction, knowing I was moving to another country only with faith.

The bracelet pictured below is a gift from my church. They were all passed around the team to pray for the orphanage whenever they look at the bracelet. There was one extra, so it was given to me. I use it as a constant reminder of those who have helped me make God’s calling a reality, not just a far-off dream. Those who have calmed my worries. I use it to pray for those who have given it to me. Not just the 20 on the team, not just the people at Living Oaks or in Florida, but for all my prayer warriors and financial supporters across the US.

I have been provided with more than I could need, more than most of this country has. I have a roof over my head- with a kitchen and a bathroom. I have access to internet most everyday, to keep in touch with family and friends. I have power, running water, and do not have to worry about when I will get my next meal or a fresh cup of water. I have a country full of people who love me, care for me, support me, pray for me, and financially provide for me to continue God’s will for my life. I am surrounded by kids, staff and friends who look out for me and make sure I am doing ok. I don’t need to worry.

Hakuna Matata.

 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.” Philipians 4:6

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?…Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:27, 34