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Therapy plays an important role in the lives of those that call Casa Shalom home. Most of these kids have been physically/sexually abused, abandoned, mistreated, or homeless. With the use of therapy, these kids can begin to feel loved, cared for, and begin to have a normal childhood (or what most in America would think of as “normal”).

Here, we have a team of psychologists that work alongside the children and their houses working to what their needs may be. The psychologist team is great with all of the kids, working to make sure each child gets the care and attention they’ve previously lacked. Most of the decisions made for the house or the child are made with help from the psychologist team, knowing their behavior and what would be beneficial for those involved.

I’ve gotten to help with therapy in a few ways. Right now, we are in the process of enhancing the horse therapy program. As it is a long uphill walk for some and isn’t used as much as it could be, we thought it might be easier and more accessible to allow horse therapy on Casa Shalom property. It will take some time, getting used to walking the horse to and from Casa Shalom daily, devoting the entire morning to working with the kids and the horse, and developing those strategies that allow for that bond to be made between the two. The purpose of this therapy program is to allow for a rebuilding of comfort, confidence, trust, and relationship building, and we are working as a team (me, the other volunteers, psychologists, and kids) to accomplish these goals.

One of the volunteers brings two bunnies into the office a few days a week for the kids to interact with. They enjoy playing with them on the floor, petting them, and carrying them to anyone in the office. It’s been a source of joy for those that come in, as well as for me getting to hear giggles while at work, and occasionally getting to pet one carried to me.

I’ve also been assisting with therapy at the volunteers’ house just outside of the Casa Shalom gates. (They also own and care for the horse and own the bunnies.) This isn’t the kind of therapy where they sit on leather couches explaining to us what their guardian did behind closed doors, but more of play therapy. We start the hour session with a few worship songs, maybe followed by an interactive Bible story, and ending it with play. I’ve been able to have some fun myself and build the relationships with the kids by accepting the watercolor painting they made for me, assisting in assembling a hot wheels track, passing the puck stuck in the center of the air hockey table, or filling an empty peanut canister left in the sand box. The kids get to be kids. They don’t have to worry about watching their younger siblings or making sure there’s food for lunch. All they have to do is to enjoy themselves and the environment together.

Upcoming: Today, the youth have left the orphanage at 5 AM and are going on an outing to a theme park about 3 hours away, spending the night, and attending church in the morning before heading back to the orphanage. I’ve been asked to help out. I’m not sure what this theme and/or water park will have, what couch/floor/cushion I’ll be spending the night on, nor what kind of church we’ll be going to, but I’m looking forward to finding out! (Apologizing in advance for my lack of communication this weekend. I might not/probably won’t have internet access!)

I’m headed back to the US on Tuesday for almost 2 weeks. I’m departing from the orphanage at 4 am, and I will be at my final destination at almost 2 am the following day. It will be a long, exhausting day, filled with many faces and places I’m excited to see again. I’ll see some of you soon! Let’s hope Irma doesn’t affect my travels. Praying for all of those currently facing the storm! We also got a 8.1 magnitude earthquake here Thursday night. It lasted pretty long (or longer than the previous ones), but we are all safe and sound at Casa Shalom!

 

It’s something I don’t find I give myself enough of. With all that is happening in and around the orphanage with teams, kids, and visiting groups planning activities, I’m constantly keeping busy, which is good… sometimes. If there’s a job that needs to be done, I am usually quick to offer my assistance, no matter my free time. Like when I had the infection in my leg, I was quick to cover for another volunteer who went home early not feeling too great, acting as if nothing was wrong with me. I guess since being busy for almost 5 months straight, I am noticing everyday that I am grateful for a place of my own to have a place to retreat to when I’m almost at my breaking point.

I can’t help but put others in front of myself. I have to remember that I am worth taking care of and that I do need some time to myself as well, to refresh, recharge and to focus on my relationship with the Lord. I guess a day of rest is important if it is included in the ten commandments, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work,  but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God…” (Exodus 20:8-10)

I have been recently trying to use my weekends as rest, although that’s the time of the week to also get the work that needs to be done outside of the office, like laundry, cleaning the house, or errands/outings. If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs and/or photos, I’m sure you’ve noticed that each month, we take the kids out to lunch if their birthday falls within that month. This weekend was a tough one. We had 11 kids in the month of August, with seven of them being 6 years or younger. That’s the age where they don’t pay too close attention to rules and wander off on their own if not watched closely. Most of the day was a job getting them to sit in the moving van, walking to and from the restroom, and answering the same question repeatedly. Thankfully there were also three old enough to help us control the little ones from disappearing.

My job for the afternoon was to stay at the back of the pack so no one gets lost, while also carrying around a little 3 year old everywhere we went. Let me tell you, carrying a 25-pound 3-year-old is cute for about 10 minutes. After almost 2 hours of picking up pizza, purchasing snacks and beverages, and getting ice cream after, my arms were feeling it. She was old enough to walk, yet when I put her down, she either try to run away or freeze, as if she was lost and didn’t know where to go or what to do. It was definitely one of the tougher birthday outings we have had. I definitely gave myself an hours rest after that.

All in all, I can say that I am ready for a few days off. I’m looking forward to staying in my bed past 7 am, knowing that I will be able to shower later in the day. I am ready to brush my teeth with sink water, control the temperature of the shower in the shower (instead of with a few knobs outside), and not have to walk outside to get to the bathroom. It will be nice to get some food in me that extends beyond eggs, rice, beans, tortillas, chicken, and hot dogs, and to have a stove/oven to cook (or bake) whatever I’m craving. Three more weeks and I will get to experience that rest, along with getting to see some of my friends and family I’ve been missing. I know that when I head out in a few weeks, I will be counting down the days ‘til I am reunited with my kids again.

This past Sunday, 24 of us piled into a 15 passenger van to be rewarded for good grades with lunch and ice cream at the beloved Guatemalan fast food chicken restaurant, Pollo Campero. It was a great afternoon that each of the 22 kids treasured and were grateful for. We got to walk around the mall, enjoy lunch/dessert together, and some of the younger ones even got to play in the jungle gym at the restaurant.

All the kids were excited to go. It was a big deal to them! And they SHOULD be proud of themselves for achieving above an 80% average for the first half of the school year. The girls put on make-up, they wore their prettiest clothing, and some brought their nice purses with them too. The boy were handsome. Hair gelled and combed back, with belts, nice black school shoes, and tucked in button-ups. I almost felt underdressed in my v-neck t-shirt!

It finally happened. My first spot spotting in Guatemala. The first time I’ve been approached by someone because they noticed my unusual skin condition and they think they have the solution for me. I’ve had a South American try to take a demon out of me. I was invited to a church down the road just so that the pastor and his father could pray for God to heal me like Jesus did the lepers. I was told I didn’t scrub myself well enough after a mud race. And I’ve gotten a child in trouble with his parents after he left art camp covered in brown washable marker spots, as he was only following my lead. Some make me laugh when I remember them. Others leave me in tears days, weeks, and even years later. I could keep going with stories upon stories, but I’ll stop there, for your sake and mine! I know a lot of people have said they’d love to make a movie of their own life, but I’ve gotta say mine would be pretty entertaining and an emotional rollercoaster (I might be slightly biased)!

While taking the kids with the highest grades out for lunch, we went to the mall next door, went upstairs, and found the ice cream stand we were all looking forward to. One missionary was up at the counter helping the kids order their dessert. I was about 100 feet away, helping guide the children to sit over at the tables and couches on the opposite side. They slowly made their way over, one by one. I sat alone at a table waving to each one so they know where to sit. I’m looking over towards the ice cream stand and I hear a voice coming toward me…

(paraphrased: conversation was in Spanish and I might’ve left out, forgotten, and/or misunderstood a few things)

“Can I sit here?”
“Yes, go ahead!”
“Do you believe in Jesus?”
“Yes”
“Do you search for him?
“Yes.”
“Have you accepted him into your heart?”
“Yes.”
“Can I pray for you?”
“Yes….”
(says a short prayer)

I wasn’t really sure where this was leading. She almost had that sales woman voice, maybe getting ready to deliver me a business card, a sales pitch, or a free sample? But, to be honest, I didn’t pay too much attention to her prayer after the few words I did hear, because I now realized where this conversation was headed .

“Why are you like this?”
“I was born like this.”
“That doesn’t matter. Do you believe in God?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? If you have faith, these things will fall right off of you and leave you with the skin of a new baby.”
“I believe in God.”
“Can you go to the supermarket and get a bottle of oil?”
“No”
“Where do you live?”
“At a children’s home”
“And you are the only adult?”
“No.”
“Who else is with you?”
“The lady over there.”
“Can I talk with her?”
“No. Please, you don’t need to”
“So why can’t you leave to go to the supermarket to get the oil?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why? But you believe in Jesus, are you understanding me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to get rid of those?”
“No.”
“But why?”

One of the teen girls finally saved me and asked if I wanted to get some ice cream. I couldn’t have walked to that stand quicker. Not only because a delicious cone was calling my name, but so I would also feel comfortable in and proud of the skin God gifted to me.

While she was asking me these questions, I could easily understand what she was asking of me, but I was unable to put my thoughts into (Spanish) words… Until I started walking away. Even though I finally put enough words together to be able to express to her what I was feeling and thinking, I just kept walking away. God gave me this skin for a reason. I was created in His image and I want to stay as I am. Some may see it as a sickness or a badge of bad luck, a curse, or a sinful nature, but I see I as an aid to speak of His creation. People see me for the first time and ask me about my skin? The door is open! It was God. He created me perfectly in His image. Of course, it’s easier for me to say that all in my language, in my own blog post, but I wish I was able to share those thoughts with the woman and the kids who were within listening distance.

(Apologies for the rant, the only chances I get to speak of my own thoughts/experiences are either in this blog or the few video calls I have once a week. Rant over!)

Oh, remember that time I said I wasn’t sure when my next 4 am airport departure would be? It’s tomorrow!

 

A quick shout out/thank you to all of my supporters out there. Thank you to all those who join with me in prayer, financially support me, or have inspired me to take up God’s calling in my life. Last week, I was filled with some worry in making a plane ticket purchase. Yes, I had the money to purchase a round trip flight, but I know I will have to purchase two (at least) every year. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see all my supporters in the US as often as I can, but $1,000 is a lot to drop on plane tickets yearly. I purchased a round trip that was less than $500, as it was one of the lower prices with the greatest outcome. I checked my bank account a few days following, and not only was the cost of my round trip covered, but almost half of my next flight will be covered by my financial supporters. Just from those who gave in the month of July. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU! I couldn’t do any of this without your support, prayers, and love!

Some days, living at an orphanage feels a lot like I’m back at college. Not what most of you think of when college is mentioned. For those who don’t know, I went to Milligan College, in the beautiful smoky mountains of northeast Tennessee. Its a small Christian school with community built around extracurricular activities, roommates, and a coffee shop (not sororities/fraternities, packed football stadiums, and bars).

1. Living arrangements: At Milligan College, we either had the choice of living on campus in gender specific dorms or commuting from home if it was close enough. None of the off-campus apartment living. Here, at Casa Shalom, there are 7 houses, separated by age and gender. Like the juniors and seniors got the extra privileges and first choices, so do the teen boys and girls here.
2. Cafeteria: At school, we were provided with 6 am- 9 pm free access to the cafeteria, with certain times scheduled providing hot meals 3 times a day. Same at the orphanage, just with more limited hours and not many options. You take what you are provided. You can go to the cafeteria for free for every meal, make a small microwaved meal in your room, or spend the money to eat off campus. For me, in both places, I’ve enjoyed the community shared around the table (and I’ll always take food I don’t have to prepare/pay for!)
3. Sutton hill/Guatemalan mountain: Living in the mountains of Tennessee for a few years has prepared me well for Guatemala. For those that have visited Milligan College and/or Casa Shalom, you know the hill I’m talking of. At school, my dorm was at the very top of the hill, for all 4 years. Here, my house is only halfway up the hill, so I have more of an option to go to my room between activity, instead of waiting down below so I didn’t have to walk the hill twice. Though, I’ve gotta say, I’m a fan of the volcano smoke (and occasional lava) front porch view here!
4. Spanish/photography & media assignments: I did two years of Spanish and took a bunch of media classes in school, and also helped with the yearbook for a year or two (all 4 years in high school). Here, I am the main source of photography, other than a few snapshots from the visiting team. If there’s an event going on, I’m in charge of photographing it. Something needs to be designed? Me (see image above). Some one needs help with a video project? I’ll let you take your best guess on that. As for Spanish classes, everyday is Spanish class for me! Listening to and (trying to) talk with the kids is helping me to increase my Spanish vocabulary. I’ve been helping collect distribute and translate the letters between sponsors and their sponsored child(ren), so that’s been a big help too!
5. Spiritual & personal growth- College was a big help to me in growing spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I’ve only been in Guatemala a little over 3 months, and I don’t see the growth stopping anytime soon.
6. Sleep schedule- Here I use the word “schedule” loosely. Those that went to college can attest to this, that you stay up late (or even pull an all-nighter) to study, get a load of laundry done, get an extra Netflix show in, or finish that composition paper you forgot about. Naps become a treasure you only wish for. Since I’ve been in Guatemala, I’ve started learning of the powers of coffee. Living on campus with the kids, you never know what the night (or early morning) may bring. A new family getting to the orphanage late? An earthquake in the middle of the night waking me from a restless sleep? The neighbors celebrating with fireworks? Waking up early to take a shower when the water is on? The roosters/cows not knowing it’s 3 in the morning? An airport run leaving at 4am?
7. Alone time: Whether on a college campus of 1,200 students or an orphanage campus with 105 kids, you treasure the time you get to spend alone. Days start early and end late,  so alone time becomes slimmer and slimmer. I’d hate to admit the classic movies I have yet to watch. Without teams being here the past two weeks, I was able to enjoy my alone time and marked a few off the list. I still have many more to go….. we’ll see when I can ever get those watched!
8. Passion: It may be a biology major, an aspiring actor, or a want-to-be historian. You can see the passion in everything they do related to that subject, life choice, or activity. With the kids here, it’s easy to see as well. They are excited to show off the few English words they know. They want to share the tricks they can do with a soccer ball. They seek to perform that new song or dance they’ve worked so hard on perfecting.
9. Maintaining friendships in multiple places: Going to school in Tennessee was an adjustment for me, being that everything and anyone I’ve ever know (for the most part) was in Florida. During holiday breaks, I would enjoy the visits with the friends and family back and Florida, only to miss everyone in Tennessee. I am missing people all across the US and do my best to stay in contact with some of them (via WhatsApp, email, Facebook messenger, or video call). Relationships come and go here, as well as at college, and all of life for that matter. I know when I am visiting with friends and family the next time, that I will be missing the 105 friendships I’ve built thus far.
10. Lots of ups and downs, but wouldn’t trade for anything!

Worry. It’s something I do often that wish I didn’t. Something easier said than done. A fear that has controlled most of my life no matter the situation, whether it be relationships, tomorrow’s outfit, or my next move (either it be my next action or a new home country). I’ve often been consumed with it that it’s become almost a natural instinct.

While my church was here a week back, we got some extra time at the end of our Antigua shopping day to go to an ice cream shop that some of the team was excited to return to from the previous summer.  There, a few got a late lunch and soda. But I got a gringa- vanilla and coffee ice cream topped with Nutella and chocolate chip cookies! It hit the spot (after only having half melted fast food cones for the past 2 and a half months)! That bowl of ice cream made a rainy, traffic-filled day worth it.

Before we headed back to the bus, I headed to the bathroom quickly. It was one of those visits that I wished I had brought my phone, like most have experienced at least once! But not for reasons you may think…. Strangely enough, above the sink (in a public restroom) there was no mirror. Just a few hand painted words on the wall: “No te preocupes. Vez bonita.” (Don’t worry, you look beautiful). It might’ve been cheaper for the restaurant to buy a paint brush and some paint rather than a mirror and a nail, but I wished I could’ve gotten a photo of that as a personal reminder not to worry.

Over this past week since reading that, I’ve been letting go of my worries little by little. Most of the girls have a head full of lice. As a precaution, I asked if anyone had lice shampoo that I could use to prevent myself from getting an itchy head. I received an expired bottle of shampoo with maybe enough for a single use. I quickly headed to my room to apply it and wash my hair. The water was off. There I was in my shower, using cold water out of a 5 gallon bucket while the lights were flickering on and off (power outage). I wasn’t worried about anything.

I have a sunlit window that offers all the light I might need. I have 5 gallons of water I can use and refill when the water comes on later that evening or the following day. That does not include the water saved in the sink just outside the bathroom door. I was provided with shampoo and a comb to prevent lice that I might or might not get. I have my own bathroom to take care of myself on my own schedule. I have everything and more than I could need. (My team also left me with more than enough supplies to cover me if I pickup lice from the kids!)

I’ve been quietly questioning if my converse shoes would last another 4 months until I made it back to the US. Certainly enough, the Lord provided an extra free pair of sneakers to my church team. Bright red high top converses. One extra pair…and they were in my size! I wasn’t going to wear them while the team was here, mostly because it rained daily and I didn’t want to ruin my new shoes. My worries went out the door, and I wore ’em the next day! They will get dirty sometime, whether it’s the day I get them or a month later! I shouldn’t be worried about a little mud on my new kicks, they’re only dirty from being used!

I was asked a few times about what kinds of snacks I wanted the team to bring for me. The only thing I was really wanting, that I knew couldn’t happen, was my favorite kind of ice cream. Not really a worry, but more of a craving I didn’t think could be fulfilled. Remember where I saw the sign “Don’t worry”? In an ice cream shop! The church brought me a few snacks and also treated me with a bowl of ice cream- the thing I had been craving the most. No, it wasn’t my favorite flavor, but I was provided with more than I could’ve needed (or wanted) in the form of nutella and cookies!

I was headed uphill to my house with a handful of gifts in the pouring rain. While fighting to keep everything in my hands and holding the umbrella overhead, one of the house moms came by my side and walked with me up the hill assisting me with bringing all my stuff to my room. As we were walking in the rain, she asked me how my leg was feeling, remembering that I popped my knee out of place in the orphanage almost two years ago! I felt it quickly strengthen, knowing I am part of a community who truly cares for me.

A few days back, I was playing with one of the boys, about 11 years old. He shifted all of his weight on me. I lost my footing, he lost his footing, and we both went crashing down. I skinned my leg pretty bad, but was cautious enough to grab onto him as we were going down, so I’d be the one to hit the ground for us both. Although it was painful, I wasn’t worried and knew that it would heal fine over a day or two. But, I was worried I wouldn’t get much sleep from being uncomfortable with a bruised leg; I got over 9 hours of sleep that night! The next day, one of the staff members who saw me fall noticed my red skin, sent one of the kids into the house to grab her lotion, and rubbed it on my scar herself. Again, I was provided with more than I could’ve needed, from those less fortunate than me.

Stories like these few could be shared all day just over events throughout the past week. Moving to Guatemala was a God-calling. I was happy to accept the calling, but it also filled me with worry. Worry about finances/support. Health. Continuing relationships with limited contact. Building relationships while in Guatemala. The transition process. My faith. Whatever the enemy threw my direction, knowing I was moving to another country only with faith.

The bracelet pictured below is a gift from my church. They were all passed around the team to pray for the orphanage whenever they look at the bracelet. There was one extra, so it was given to me. I use it as a constant reminder of those who have helped me make God’s calling a reality, not just a far-off dream. Those who have calmed my worries. I use it to pray for those who have given it to me. Not just the 20 on the team, not just the people at Living Oaks or in Florida, but for all my prayer warriors and financial supporters across the US.

I have been provided with more than I could need, more than most of this country has. I have a roof over my head- with a kitchen and a bathroom. I have access to internet most everyday, to keep in touch with family and friends. I have power, running water, and do not have to worry about when I will get my next meal or a fresh cup of water. I have a country full of people who love me, care for me, support me, pray for me, and financially provide for me to continue God’s will for my life. I am surrounded by kids, staff and friends who look out for me and make sure I am doing ok. I don’t need to worry.

Hakuna Matata.

 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.” Philipians 4:6

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?…Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:27, 34

 

In the summers, here at Casa Shalom we have teams back to back from the start of June to the end of August. We’ve already had the first two teams come and go, and are getting ready to host the next one this afternoon. My church, Living Oaks Church, was here this past week. It’s been fun getting to share my life with familiar faces and getting to meet some of their youth students, watching them serve and interact throughout the week. As a bonus, I got to see some of my favorite peopke over video chat who couldn’t make it to Guatemala (you know who you are!) and I was left with all of the extra snacks, medicine, and a few extra gifts from the team, friends, and family back in the US.

This week was also a spirit builder for me, as I’m sure majority of those a part of the team too. My spiritual walk is mainly my own bible reading, prayer life, and the effort I put into my relationship with the Lord. Most mornings this week, I got to join the team for part of their devotionals (before I had to head to breakfast and help out in the kitchen)! Although I only got to be there for one devotional, I was surely blessed and encouraged during the worship, quiet time, prayers, and hearing the team members share their heart.

Since my church was visiting, I wanted to share the day with them when they explored Antigua. We went to a delicious breakfast buffet, a few markets, went to the chocolate museum, the jade shop, and ended the day with a sundae- my first one in a loooonnnggg time (more about that in the next blog)! While in town, I wanted to get a traje típico. That’s the name for the outfits the locals wear to carry on their Mayan traditions. It’s made up of an embroidered shirt, a hand-woven piece of fabric wrapped around as a skirt, and held together tightly with a belt. This outfit can be resized when a child grows, letting seams out of the sides of the top and folding the skirt less and less. I managed to find a shirt and skirt that I liked but couldn’t find a belt that afternoon.

So, Sunday was church with the kids on campus. Most of the kids come in their normal clothes, although the young girls occasionally like to dress up. I decided I’d wear my traje típico for the service, using a thin elastic headband as a belt to hold up my skirt. One of the Guatemalan house parents noticed I was having trouble with my outfit. She ran down to her house, brought up her belt for me to borrow, and correctly taught me how to wrap a fabric skirt. I’m still not sure how they can do it by themselves!

It was the talk of the town. The house mom’s always arrive to the orphanage wearing their Guatemalan clothing, but never a gringa (Guatemalan term for an American). I was so excited to wear it, becoming a part of the culture. The kids were also excited to see me wearing it, and even some of the house mom’s wanted their photo with me! After about 2 hours, I was ready to get back to jeans and a t-shirt!

Tuesday night was a late night. I watched a few movies til just before 1:30, and knew I had to visit the bathroom before heading to bed, no matter how tired I was nor how few hours I had left to sleep. I start doing my thing sitting down when the bathroom starts to shake. FYI: my bathroom is about 7×3 feet wide building, unattached to my house as a stand alone shack. It wasn’t shaking as a just of wind or children banging on all sides, but more of that feeling you get when the brakes are slammed too fast while driving. It wasn’t just once. It was side to side, maybe 10 times in a row for nearly 5 seconds. I wasn’t sure if I was so tired that I just felt dizzy or maybe my stomach felt sick that night, but I had an educated guess of what it might’ve been as I headed back to my room.

Just as I had guessed! I look down at my phone to see updates of a 7.0 earthquake in Guatemala. That’s a first for me! As exciting as it is to say I’ve been in an earthquake, I know damage was done because of it, and at least one life has been lost. Thankful that we all at Casa Shalom are safe, including children, staff, and the visiting team.

I’ve got to say I’ve been getting out of my comfort zone as an introvert. I’m helping with a new group of Americans every week and have been interacting and talking more with the kids, some I might’ve never approached had I only stayed with those I met in previous years. I get to help the new kids in their first few days adjusting to life at Casa Shalom and get to know their personalities quickly. I’ve been put into positions where my self-confidence has been tested and have surprised myself on a number of occasions.

Thank you to all who have sent things with the team for me this past week: Katherine and Rebecca, Mary Kaye, Kippy, Ariel, Mom, and everyone a part of the team who gave me their extras before leaving. Thank you also to those who continue to pray for me, financially support me, and keep in touch with me weekly, whether through Facebook, email, what’s app, or video chat.