Love languages

Most have heard and know of the 5 love languages and usually put themselves in a category of one or two of the 5. Here they are written out with a short explanation and/or examples:

1. Words of affirmation: Receiving compliments or encouragement through what they are wearing, what they are doing, or their character
2. Quality Time: Giving/receiving the undivided attention of another for a period of time (going for a walk together, conversing over a meal, playing a board game, etc.)
3. Receiving Gifts: Receiving (or giving) material things, a physical item to show that they were thought of
4. Acts of Service: Actions done in a positive mindset in service to others (making the bed, doing a load of laundry, picking up a prescription, etc)
5. Physical Touch: Holding hands, back rubbing, head leaning on one another and hugging

I find myself a mix of physical touch and quality time. I love giving hugs, holding hands, while also spending quality time with those closest to me, whether it be conversing over breakfast or going on a drive together. Living with 80 kids, I can’t limit myself to these two forms of love.

Two weeks back, one of the girls was headed to her court date, and assured me that she was not returning to the orphanage, but was going with a family member. I was headed out that day with a group to the next town over, and she saw me ready with hands full to jump into the van and get kids organized. In the busyness, I stopped to give her a tight hug, that probably lasted 30 seconds or longer, as we weren’t sure we’d see each other again. On my way out, she told me to bring her back a small gift. I told her I will give it to her once she returns to the orphanage in the evening. While at one of the stores, I picked up a small bottle of those mini m&ms that they keep near the register. She knew that I thought of her when she was eating them that night. She felt loved by me when I brought her a 75 cent container of candies.

One of the younger boys asked me to spend time with his house and share a meal with them. I was up at the counter grabbing my food, set my plate on the edge of their table, and was ready to head to the back of the room to grab myself a chair. Before I knew it, another boy left his food and ran ahead of me so I didn’t have to carry the (almost weightless) chair back to the table. He showed me love through completing an act of service for me, while we all spent quality time together chatting and laughing through the meal.

Most Saturdays, the teenage girls go up to the neighbor’s house for cooking class. I’ve gotten the pleasure to join them a few Saturdays. But, I’m not in the kitchen cooking, I’m out with a few of the teenagers who would rather participate in horse therapy. We comb and brush the horse, walk her around with a rope, and give her the grass or water we have at arm’s reach. On one Saturday, there was only one girl that decided to join me. She was fairly new at the time, maybe at the orphanage a little over a month. After combing and brushing the horse, I tied a rope to her harness and handed the rope to the girl to walk the horse around. She did great. But best of all, almost the full 10 minutes she was walking around, she was opening up to me about her time in Shalom, her friendships, what she likes to do, and her previous experiences working alongside animals. Although I didn’t understand some of it because she was talking super fast, I was thankful for that bond we were able to build together in the time we got to share together. She feels loved by me and knows she can talk to me like a friend. I feel loved being one she could open up to and count on as a friend.

One boy, about 9 years old and very smart, wanted to put a puzzle together. It was one of those puzzles with 100 pieces that stretched 4 feet when laid out on the ground, with each piece as big as my hand. I saw him walking towards the puzzle and had complete confidence that he could do it on his own without a problem. But, he called me over to help him. I doubt he needed my help, but that he actually wanted to share time with me. We spent about 10 minutes sitting on the ground together, keeping an eye on what the other was working on, so we could help each other find the pieces we needed. With teamwork and quality time, the puzzle was a success.

One morning in play therapy with the younger girls (7-11 years old), the five girls and I gathered around the table together and sculpted with the variety of play dough colors set out for our use. All kinds of stencils were set out as well, some in the shape of dinosaurs, others like a house, flowers, vegetables and hearts. I did my best to change my location around the table, complementing each girl and what they were working on or what they’ve finished. One girl who I was sitting with was cutting out each vegetable. And she showed me each and every one, from the carrot and mushroom to the beans and potato. I showed her love by complementing each and every ball of clay she presented to me, even if I couldn’t tell what it was before she told me. She wanted to be encouraged and hear that she was doing a great job throughout.

A team that came from the US brought yarn to teach the kids how to make bracelets, necklaces, and headbands. One boy walked up to me with a piece of string and asked me to hold the end for him. I stood there for about 5 minutes holding the yarn, while he spent his time tying knot after knot, making a bracelet of his own design. Once he said it was done, he asked me to hold out my arm, as he tied it around my wrist. He wanted to show his love for me by making a gift, a handmade bracelet for me. I’ve worn it everyday since to remind me that he loves me, and when he sees it, he knows I love him.

On our way to play therapy one day, I was slightly nervous, because we received two sisters the previous week that were joining us for the first time that morning. I walk up to the house with one of the therapists to let the girls know that we are headed to therapy soon. The older of the two new girls yells “HARPER” when she opens the door and greets me with a big hug. Walking back down the sidewalk, I feel a hand sneak its way into my hand from behind…. Yep, you guessed it. The older sister again. She walked hand in hand with me for about a quarter mile uphill to the house next door. If our hands ever fell apart, she was quick to grab it again, or slide her arm under and over mine so our arms were linked together. She’s been here a week, and she’s already quick to show and receive love  with physical touch.

I could go on and on with stories like these over the past year of life with these kids. These are just a few that I’ve experienced in the past month. I am learning to take notice of the ways to love those around me, and what type of love is responded to with each child. I want them to know they are loved by me, instead of only me feeling love for them. I want to best meet their needs, whether it be something from their past that they are trying to recover from or learning how to express love themselves and show love in the way they feel most comfortable.