Limits

One of the biggest weeds in my life for a long as I can remember is setting limits. Limits on my own abilities, limits on the things others are capable of doing, limits on my expectations. I guess in a sense, I am setting limits not only on what I can do with my God-given talents and abilities, but also setting limits on what I allow God to do through me.

For instance, before 2017, the last interaction I had with a horse was when I was in 3rd or 4th grade at a girl scouts retreat. My troop and I all started to make our horses run in a gallop around the ring. My horse decided it would leave the track and go full speed out into the open field, leaving me hanging on for my life, only to come to a complete stop, as we were inches from running through the fence. I never pictured myself working with or near horses ever again. And therapy? I’ve had two experiences with therapy in my life, neither of which I chose for myself nor would want to do again. Guess one of my main roles at Casa Shalom? I’m one of a few in charge of leading and enhancing the horse therapy program, and I have also been an assistant in various forms of therapy, including worship, art, and play therapy.

All through my life, I’ve pictured what my future job might be. One of the titles I’ve crossed out early on was the role of a teacher, because of the great teachers I’ve had in my life and my “inability” to fill those shoes in another individual’s life. The last time I sat down to play the piano, I was probably in 4th grade. I viewed the piano as just an early elementary school learning tool, not really something I could continue on with. Today, I am a teacher to 2 piano students all because I followed the instructions from a YouTube video, practiced for a few hours a week, and can play a few worship songs.

I’ve often considered myself a creative an artistic person, yet I don’t share too many of my art projects with others due to my lack of confidence in my work and talent. In the coming months, I will be helping decorate the new library and have put myself in charge of painting a mural on the wall, also throwing in some of my ideas for color/design.

Going to a small Christian college for four years, I doubted in myself that taking up God’s missionary calling would be a long time coming, with paying back school loans. I’ve made it through 8 months of living life in Guatemala, and I see no end in the near future thanks to all of my friends, family, and supporters.

It’s been challenging for me to put a definition to the word love, being surrounded by broken relationships. Some of those, I’ve watched from afar, while others I have been a part of. I’ve been hesitant to jump into strong relationships quickly, fearing that an end might soon follow. Now, I am in a position where relationships come and go day after day. Short term missions team members. Interns. Volunteers. Guatemalan children. Whether the relationship lasts only a few weeks or comes to an unforeseen halt after several years, I am quick to show others the love I have for them.

This past weekend, a couple of the volunteers and interns were planning a hike up to an active volcano (Pacaya). I was so excited to take part in this adventure, until it hit me. I am not in any sense fit to hike uphill. I get overheated really easily, and hiking around a smokey volcano doesn’t sound like it would be chilly at all. Nonetheless, I said I’d take part, not knowing if I’d be spending a few hours waiting at the car while the others were exploring.

It was one of the neatest experiences I have had since I’ve been in Guatemala. Yes, it was a tiring hike, but it was worth it when we made it to the top. Being surrounded with volcano rock is unlike anything I’ve seen before. It weighs almost nothing, yet I couldn’t manage to break it. It was almost like being on another planet. Passing by piles of rocks, we stuck our hands in what felt like a sauna, as the heat of the volcano rose. Along the way, while we were still surrounded by many plants and trees, our tour guide clipped some branches off the trees. At the top, he pulled out a bag of marshmallows, and we all got to roast them over a crater. I’m not sure if it was just mental, because I was hungry, or all part of the experience, but it was one of the best toasted marshmallows I’ve eaten.

The hike up was tough, but the way down was a blast! A sandy hill, we all slid down with sand reaching up above our ankles. Each step we took equalled about 3 or 4 with our feet sliding with the sand. I kinda felt like I was skiing. All to say, I didn’t place limits on my abilities that day, allowing me to partake in a once in a lifetime, fulfilled, exciting adventure.

I am constantly surprising myself with the Spanish words I can comprehend and repeat back. I am astounded by the little instances that come along my way where I can get involved or make a difference, if only for a few seconds. I am trying to notice more and more of where I can strengthen my abilities, let go of setting limits, and let God work through me for others’ needs- no matter my previous experience (or lack thereof)!